eh?

So here it is from a friend of mine.. I think he makes a good point. Especially useful.. hmm.. everyday? We all tend to expect others to act/respond as we do, as we see as justified/ideal, or at least as we’ve previously experienced. But sadly, until we’ve learned the grace to forego our expectations, they’re so ready to be used as a weapon– “Why didn’t you _____ ?!” So here ’tis, thoughts from a friend:

What is common sense anyway? Everybody is so varied in life experience that to call certain decisions naturally smarter than others, and everybody should know that, is hard to do. For example common sense tells me that jumping out of the car on the freeway is not a smart thing to do, nor cutting steaks in the same room with a hungry tiger. That is general knowledge, I hope, but what if someone has never heard of a tiger or ever seen one? This person who knows nothing about tigers and only about small cats would not have this same fear to the same degree.

So common sense is not really a factor that you can judge people by, for common sense is the slave of knowledge and experience in life. It is an expectation we have of people who have been similarly taught about life. The problem is when people don’t have this training or knowledge will not be able to live up to this expectation of “common sense”

Frustration = expectation – reality (quoted by Rob Hensley Sunday school teacher)

This morning I went to a church I’d visited back in undergrad.. Being in southern Ohio, it’s in a context of somewhere between original Johnny Cash devotees & farmboys. It’s a funny thing to me to see this church of these folk be thriving & growing despite what would appear to be simple spectating church-goers.

There’s always a story behind the story, and this story has two of them: mine, and this church’s.
My story is one of surprise of an out-of-sync culture church growing and thriving.  I’ve been in Chicago for 4 years exactly this weekend(Columbus Day weekend).. I’ve been part of a church that is well organised, but hardly ’slick’. Being in the city, fashion, ‘hip’, and ‘in style’ is just part of life. It’s standard procedure to be in tune culturally. For myself, I’m not the kind to blow my budget on clothing, but in my speech, and certainly in my expectation of those around me I find myself to be a ‘follower’. Call it part of my enjoyment of order and beauty.
So here I find myself in the middle of a church divided into thirds- one third over 60, one third over 40, one third college-ers(there went grammar!). This is the land of quilts, WWII stories,bluegrass quartet groups and old ladies in home-sewn jackets. To me, this picture is much like what I grew up in. Seeing the people in this church reminds me of people coming to church and ’shooting the breeze’ about their job, the hobbies and of course, the weather. The youth (which I was apart of) didn’t care about much. Some had rock-band dreams. Others were only concerned with complaining about how everything, ’sucked’, especially how ‘boring’ church was, how lame the music was, etc.. etc..
So here I come with all my past notions of outmoded churches, to a church who has just built a new auditorium/gym facility and has grown despite leadership changes. Something doesn’t add up. I’ve always dismissed it as a fluke, a passing fad, a function of some program or cultural shift.
But today, I got an inside look into the life and community of this church. Today there was a ‘modified’ service. You see, there’s a couple that has been in the church for 50 years or so, and they are leaving to live near their children and naturally, grandchildren. This couple is much like many of the other  60yo+ crowd, the crowd I expect to come out of ‘habit’, to be involved in the church for ’something to do’..and to fill tere generally accepted role of ‘bump on a log’ during services. And to me, that’s what I expect & that’s what it *looks* like. Looks deceive.
In the couse of this ‘good bye’ service, the crowd was to tell their stories of the impact this couple has made in the life of the church. Again, I expected the usual stories.. “they helped us when.. “, “They’ve always been..” But instantly these 60 year old log-bumps who didn’t sing during the music, and sat nice & proper stood up and told stories that consistently included stories of life, love,  Jesus, God and life in him. Hmm.. that’s pretty good for log-bumps. And it just kept coming. Stories of “I’ve known them for 25 years”, for “60 years”, for “15 years”.. that’s unheard of in most churches. My Chicago church doesn’t hardly have anyone over 55!
Today further emphasised a cultural phenomenon of “held-in strength.” It’s something my grandparent’s generation had, and something my parent’s haven’t understood the reality behind. My parents have been ‘caught in between.’ This ‘held back strength’ is interestingly opposite to all of my generation which flaunts it’s strength. We seem to have to ’show off’ our knowledge, the number of friends we have, the accolades, our beauty, our physical fitness and abilities, all of it. And all of it screams with one loud voice: “LIKE ME!! LOVE ME!! ACCEPT ME!!” As I’ve said this whole setup is different for those 40 years older than myself. They know their strength. They know what they have to offer, and they don’t have to show it off. Why would they need to? Flaunting is arrogance to them, and they aren’t that sort. It’s funny though, that the then-created ‘aloof’ quality is considered by me and our parents to be stubborn and arrogant. Oh the difference of perspective.
It’s just funny (I know I’ve said that 3 times alwady!) that these older men would be ofa solid quality and yet not express it in a public arena. It leads to a sterile feel. If they aren’t singing, they contribute to a ‘vacuous’ feel. Likewise, holding back strength could contribute to holding back expression of needs..  That true admitting of our need is part of living an honest life, part of living in community, and the whole of the Gospel. WIthout need, we’re all ok, and without the forum to express our pain and need, we can become cold and bitter.

Back to being ‘in style’. I was caught off guard by this church which on a face-level is no different than the church of my childhood, but truly is one of life and growth and mutual concern. But those are some ‘adult’ concepts. I always try to watch the young middle-schoolers to see their reactions. They’re so taken by the method, the ‘how’, the looks of it all. It’s hard being a youth in a cultually out-of-sync church. They are all told by their friends and TV and ‘life ourside the small-town bubble’ that there’s more to life than they experience. That their beauty and strength must be seen, noticed, manifest. Their parents have become blind to it– they’ve ignored culture for what they’ve come to know as more important: true community and relationship(hopefully!! most of the time it’s only work and tv). So the youth always scream for the life they see outside the bubble, but always faced with what they have before them. Without parental “in-working” into their children of the true value of the church and people they are apart of, they will lack understanding, and like me and my old youth group, become cynical. .

So I’m back here in Chi-town & it’s great meeting up with friends & everyone asking ‘how’s school?’ and all.. but there’s one interesting piece to this whole puzzle that relates to be previous blog that caused quite a stir..
You see, down at school, I’ve not yet gotten a context for meeting & chatting with young ladies. I’m stuck with the guys.. and as much as I love ‘em & need ‘em, being friends with a lady is another kind of communication altogether. So being that as it is, I’ve got some great girls that I’m friends with up here in chicago, but as of late, few at school. So when I come up here, a little excitement is in order that “YEAH! I get to talk with someone other than the guys!”

Now, mix that with a bunch of young ladies up here who are as stumped as Christine as to why we guys don’t go after them. I’ll admit– yesterday & today I had a *great time* with a couple of these girl friends. We known each other for some time now & seen each other & hung out & all that. I can say, I really love these girls in a genuine Christ-like way. They’re great girls- solid, mature, ministering.. ‘independent’ (as much as I hate that word because of the multiple definitions ppl use!), and they’re pretty attractive to boot! So why am I and another friend of mine not going after them?

It’s complicated.

My friend agreed with me- these are *good girls* in the best way to understand ‘good’. And to some degree I honestly feel BAD that I’m not & no one else is snatching them up! So why am I not?

Well, there’s just a couple missing elements. And I don’t mean to come across as looking for ‘perfection’. I’m just saying that there’s a few things that are DEEPLY apart of me, and I can’t see how someone who doesn’t understand me( and/or what I’m about) to a level of appreciation(and whereby I don’t have to explain myself every 3 words I speak). Example: I’m a philosophical guy. If I say ‘ontological argument’ I’d like her to ‘have a clue’.

So am I such a bad guy? I’ve kinda been burned by this before, so I hope I’m not being reactionary.. I mean, sure I want to go after one of these girls- like I said, they’re solid.. but I just can’t see it working out. Ok. let the flaming begin..