eh?

But I love it anyways.

Strack & I keep having these late-night conversations about relationships. & that’s a good thing. It’s always interesting to hear what comes out of my mouth about relationships, so here’s a brief summary of what I can remember..

• Affirmation is not definition: that is, my influence in someone’s(read: potential wife) life is not a score-card on my self-worth or my abilities. Ideally, she’d respond well to all my Godly influences, and when that happens, that certainly is encouraging, but it’s not going to be at every moment.
• Marriage is like school: You go to classes everyday & ya do the required homework & usually, if you don’t make a point, you lose the vision of why you’re even in school. If you get burnt out on classes, you’ll get burnt out on marriage. You must take the time (especially as a leader) to renew to vision & hope & goal of what you’re doing & why you’re doing it: Why did you marry this woman & what is the purpose? Remember God’s glory & mutual benefit unto Christlikeness. Don’t let yourself get cynical about the vision. If ya are, be renewed in Christ by Christ.
• Right & wrong aren’t black & white: There’s a gradient & you can live at whatever level you wish. We all know what’s “right” & “wrong.” Most of us are slackers & let things slip. We can do that. God will let us mess up our lives. Sure He’ll put some reminders along the path, but if we want to live at 10% of our capacity.. not changing the oil, not rotating the tires or filling ‘em with air.. our life isn’t gonna turn out so hot. We won’t exactly be in mint condition 40 years from now. What level are you willing to live with? How tight will the screws & bolts in your life be kept?

Oh, and Christine, we’re not so sure about that whole “men need to be needed” thing. We’re must more ready to say that we need to be understood, and want our actions to count. If my (not-yet-existent) wife (why do i feel the need to qualify that? anyways..) were to “come up” with ways for me to apply my knowledge/ability, I’m not so sure that I’d be as fulfilled as if I knew that on her own accord, she was interested in/liked conversation about that which I know/do and spend my time & energy on, and she was fulfilled in a deep & meaningful way in her identity/interests/values/goals by what I can provide.  So perhaps, in that sense, I “need” her to be the recipient of what my life is churning out.. but I’d say that is just another way of saying, “we have the same goals/values in life.”

And those goals & values, I’m finding out deeply influence how I view any future relationship. My parents seem to have no/little goal or vision for their lives/marriage. And I don’t want that, to  such a degree that I’d post yesterday about the unity of the “business model marriage” which held a very appealing aspect to me!

I had associated the “husband-worker and wife-mother model” with lacking unity of purpose. Conversely, the business-model was appealing because it had such a CLEARLY defined purpose. But these are extremes and need not associated. A traditional family role marriage can have great clear-cut purpose and vision that is well defined. It’s just a matter of how much you’ll slack off in setting it & fighting for it.

Well, if that’s not enough to chew on for awhile, come back tomorrow, cuz at the rate we’ve been goin’ there just might be more!

there’s 2 kinds of marriages that are in my mind..

1. the ‘normal’.. where the husband is the working dad & the mom is the mom of the kids & not really the income-working type.
2. the business-model: dad’s “life-work” isn’t about kids, it’s about an economic success. & so he chooses a business partner more than a ‘mom’.

Who am I? I’m not a businessman, but i am a thinker! I view my life as an intellectual enterprise.. my life as a thesis to write, if you will. Does that mean i’m after a fellow faculty member?!

it’s a funny thought, but yeah.. maybe.. i dunno.. hafta work on that one. Anyone else out there follow my quick thought??