eh?

I’m rapidly coming to the end of my ability to communicate what I want to about living like Christ.

I could whine & complain about how death is a more common word in the New Testament than love, and how nearly everyone around me doesn’t seem to ‘get’ that dying daily isn’t an option. I can understand though. Just how is it that we are to die? Is there a 3 step method? Most ppl are so focused on the material and the doing aspects I think they don’t think about their own soul and the mess that’s usually found there.

Just look at yourself for a second. Ignore the question of “do you like how you live?”, cuz that only works when we’re honest, and have higher expectations out of life than what we get, and honestly, most of us have lowered expectations about what life here can offer us- to the level of minimising even what Jesus can do in this life with it. So look at this question instead: how often do you get angry? how often do you just want something to ‘go your way’? How often do you sigh in resignation about your job/boss/classes/significant other? Now, where do you think those things ‘come from’? Do you think that they are all connected, having a source somewhere? If not, if you think life is just random with nothing ‘there’, then go live your “eat, drink & be merry” life. You’ve condemned yourself already.

But for the fateful few who dare look into themselves, who dare believe beyond their own understanding that “there’s more” than what you see and know, what is it behind all your emotional torment/mishaps? Why are you angry? Why do you fight? Are you hearing yourself inside screaming “I just want ____ (my way)?” Peter demanded it. The rich man felt it inside. What was Jesus’ response? “Listen to me instead of you. Your answer to life isn’t found doing things your way.” What did Jesus challenge these men on? Their piety? Cuz they didn’t read their Bible enough? DOing is NOT the point.

How then do I do as Jesus requires? Listen to Him. Notice your own desires. Be honest. “Jesus, I want ____. What is it that you want? What is it that YOU say about ____? Is ___ apart of Your kingdom, or of mine?” Goodness, if you can’t trust Jesus with your getting upset each day, what CAN you trust Him with?? Isn’t this obedience?

I’m convinced the typical american christian is powerless and weak because he does not live in obedience to Christ because he is not connected to Christ, does not listen to Christ, nor does he want to. I wish this was not the case, but I can’t seem to find any other reason.

Some will then reply to me saying, “but I’ve not heard from Christ, though I’ve tried.” This has been my life too. Usually I’m too stubborn to listen to him shouting about what I don’t want to hear about. I have seen daily that if I do not listen to Him, if I do not submit my will to Him, then He will force His hand to get my attention: my anger will arise, He will show me that I cannot handle myself, that my will and knowledge is not sufficient.