eh?

Now, for those of you who read this blog-o-la of mine, you’ve probably noticed that it’s not the most readable. It’s really more like a series of ‘first drafts’ without ever getting to the ‘final’ draft. If I had the time, then I would be reviewing and rewriting, building and extending arguments, but I don’t, so this is what ya get from my head while in church this morning (although, not always explicitly within anything said):

1) “God’s in my spiritual clique.”

This morning Daniel mentioned how it’s within the nature of ‘cool’ to blow ppl off. There’s the “I’m cool, and I only associate with those who are ‘on my level’.” Usually socially, but we all have our lines of judging.

So what happens when we take this mentality with us to church? or to Jesus? Often we keep our own identity that we want, like and have paid dearly in time and effort to create. That identity is ‘cool’ and so when all our social relationships are based on that factor, when we get involved with Jesus, well.. I’m cool, and I’m now involved with Jesus, so.. Jesus must be cool… right?

Wow. Talk about turning the “love you enough to not leave you like you are” on it’s head. While our pastor didn’t so much hit on some of these previous ideas, he did counter it with the truth that Jesus doesn’t display this feature of being ‘cool’. It’s not about exclusivity. It’s about looking at a crowd and looking for the one or two who are missing. and then, not just noticing “Where’s Tom?” but then going after ‘em. Basically, if Jesus WAS cool (blowing off those who aren’t like him) we’d be toast a long time ago.

2) Weak duty.

There’s been too many people around me over the years who have become convinced that “I need to pray and read my bible and go to church and do church-stuff despite there being any actual difference or change to myself, my life, my friends because of these activities, cuz that’s what faith is.”

I don’t know what it is within me that took that idea and revolted against it, and to a large degree, I never never explicitly said that I was rejecting it. Rather, I “just knew” that Jesus’ involvement in my life not just “should” or “could” or “ought” make me act different.. but that if Jesus is my life, then that has something to do with my mind and emotions as well as my actions and decisions. I don’t know when or how that idea became embedded in my theology, but it did, and it’s the central theme to my daily living. Jesus has made an incredible difference in my present-day life, often with me fighting against his bringing it out within me.

3) Strong fighting.

Which brings me to my third ’strain’ or ‘version’ of Christianity. In undergrad there were those who tried to reform my Christianity to the weak duty(usually by means of “you’ll feel like it after you do it” bunk; maybe I’m still not spiritual enough!) when I explained to them that I “just didn’t feel/couldn’t bring myself” to sing the ‘worship’ songs that spoke of my having a present, positive emotional state towards God. Looking back, I can only see these people as those who have more self-control of their life and emotions than I did. If you can tell yourself to “be happy” about any given topic, then you’re a ‘better’(more independent, and less understanding of your need for Jesus?) person than I am in this area.

I’m more than happy to call Jesus my ‘crutch’. Why? Cuz I’m more than happy to tell you that I’m a mess on my own. And not just tell you, I’m fully unable to hide it. I’m the brutally honest ‘uncool’ one who’s glad Jesus isn’t too ‘cool’ to blow me aside.

I titled this version of Christianity as “strong fighting,” which thus far may sound ridiculous since all I’ve mentioned is my weakness! As I live my life according to Jesus’ strength, I then gain confidence (faith!) in He who has proved himself (according to “my eyes” which some are all to fast to use in this instance). But that’s exactly it: I live and am told to live according to how I see, feel, think; what tastes good, what smells good, what feels good. That which makes me ‘cool’. but if Jesus loves my ‘uncool’ self, then why do I need that which is ‘cool’ for my spiritual fulfillment/growth? I’m left fighting against all that wars against my soul for Him who is for me.

While searching for 2 Cor 12.9, I came across another: 2 Cor 11.3: “But I am afraid that, as the serpent deceived Eve by his craftiness, your minds will be led astray from the simplicity and purity of devotion to Christ.“

Absolutely. I have no other message to my brothers.